Transition

My problem is that I don't let too many people in. They don't really know me or understand how my brain really works. It has got me wondering, would my art be different if I just let go and put everything out there? I wish I could say that has always happened but the answer to that is yes, I know it would be completely different than what I've done to this point.

There are so many things in my life that I have felt completely out of control of. My art has always been one thing that I can control, so I do. Too many times my head overpowers my heart and my emotions and then I'm left with something that no one understands what it really means. I over think it and in turn, it ends up not expressing what it's really supposed to.

The 52 In 2010 series was a way for me to stay creative. To keep the artist block that I had for so many years at bay. It has been successful at that (even if I've missed a couple of weeks here and there). There's even been a few pieces that accurately reflect what I was feeling that week. It's a step in the right direction at least.

Now, onto another piece....(still a work in progress)

Probably one of my biggest to date (it's not that big but for someone that usually works a little smaller, it seems large). This one really has meaning for me. I guess it's one of those pieces that is somewhat connecting my brain with my heart. Does that make since? It's part old me (having to control every aspect of my art) and part new me (the one I'm working towards). So far so good. I'm just going with the flow on this one. No deadlines, no getting upset and obsessing over it. If I feel like working on it, I do; if I don't, I don't. Simple as that.

Here's what I posted on Facebook about this painting...

From death comes life. Is what was in the jar the thing that killed him? Is the reason he died because he drank it or because he didn't? And because he died, did the flowers grow? Life has sprung around him in all his exhaustion and only the crow knows his secret. It will be carried away on the beat of a wing.

This connection between old and new isn't much different from death and life. Allowing a part of my old self to die, and keeping those memories and those secrets of her, I'm allowing a new me to surface and grow. Much like the exhausted skeleton, I've felt overwhelmed and lost. One wrong move, one struggle, one little thing just out of my reach could end it all. But that's not to say that something good won't come of that struggle, of that death. This painting for me, is a way to express the grief of that loss and to celebrate a new life. There's still more work to be done on this one, and I'll post more pics of the journey as I go.